How Loss Changed The Way I Support Women

At the beginning of this year, my world changed in a way I never expected.

One minute my family and I were celebrating New Year together, wondering what the year ahead might bring. The next, we were planning my dad's funeral.

He was my safe place in the storm of life.

When I first started my holistic journey, he would listen patiently as I excitedly shared everything I was learning. Whether it was massage, reflexology or another fascinating discovery about health and wellbeing, he was always interested.

Losing him so suddenly left me feeling lost.

My emotions were in turmoil.

For me, those emotions came out through tears.

In my 45 years, I have experienced loss before. Family members have passed away and I have attended funerals, but nothing prepared me for losing my dad.

As I tried to navigate my grief, I found myself scrolling through social media one evening and came across Cruse Bereavement Support.

A question entered my mind:

How can my sadness support my clients?

That question led me to enrol on a Therapist and Counsellor course run by Cruse.

I thought I was signing up to learn about grief after death.

What I learned was so much bigger than that.

One of the most valuable lessons was understanding that grief isn't always about losing a person.

Grief can be:

• The end of a relationship

• Losing a job

• Children leaving home

• Moving house

• A health diagnosis

• The end of a chapter in life

  
  

As human beings, we like stability.

We like certainty.

When something significant changes, we are forced to adjust, transition and rebuild.

That process can bring grief.

Another thing I learned is that grief is unique to every single person.

There is no right way to grieve.

No timeline.

No finish line.

No comparison.

Your grief journey is your own.

The trainer used a beautiful metaphor

Grief can feel like being placed in a dark forest.

One that is completely unique to you.

You can't see the path ahead.

You don't know what obstacles you'll encounter.

You may stumble.

You may fall.

You may stop for a while.

You may even build yourself a little hut and stay there because moving forward feels too difficult.

But eventually, with support, understanding and time, you begin to find your way through.

Metaphors are a great way to explain how you feel. sometimes we don't have exact words but we can describe.

Before this experience, I was someone who often said, "Time heals."

But one of the things I learned through both my own grief and the bereavement course is that time alone doesn't heal.

It's what we do with that time that matters.

Healing comes through acknowledging our feelings rather than burying them.

One of the biggest takeaways from the course was the importance of self-care.

Not the social media version of self-care, the real version.

The version that supports us through difficult seasons.

Things like:

• Talking to people who understand

• Journalling

• Walking

• Spending time with friends and family

• Having a treatment

• Reading

• Listening to podcasts

• Resting

• Laughing

• Maintaining routines where possible

• Gentle movement

• Trying different forms of support

  
  

And perhaps just as importantly, protecting our energy from people who drain it and don't give up, if something does not work try another.

Grief is hard.

There is no way around that.

But understanding it has changed the way I support women.

It has reminded me that everyone is carrying something we cannot always see.

A loss.

A transition.

A challenge.

A chapter they are trying to move through.

And sometimes the greatest gift we can offer is not advice.

It's creating a space where someone feels heard, supported and safe enough to simply be where they are.

For more information about bereavement support, visit Cruse Bereavement Support at www.cruse.org.uk